ABC Poem

Alfred the accountant is doing the “thinker” with one foot on a bed at Crate and Barrel as customers walk by.

Zeek, the manager who has had enough has finally called the police due to the fact that Alfred has been in this position on this bed for almost 9 hours now.

How did we get here?

Let’s go back to the beginning.

Back at 9:00am when Crate and Barrel opened, Alfred encountered a woman named Quintina (Most people called her Tina but that’s not what it said on her name tag.).

Quintina happened to be an employee at Crate and Barrel and as soon as she walked up to unlock the doors, Alfred couldn’t take his eyes off her.

Our dear protagonist, Alfred had been waiting for this moment for weeks.

For he had not been able to make it to Crate and Barrel’s opening hour before today for he had been selling Star fruit a the local farmer’s market every morning.

Visions of sugarplums and Quintina dancing with him on the dance floors would dance through his mind for days since the day he first saw her.

X-rays would show his large beating heart speed up if she was to stop by the imaging room (of course she would have to be wearing a led jacket to be safe).

Ready to finally say a word to Quintina as soon as she walked up to unlock the doors, Alfred was finally going to face his biggest fear and chase his wildest dream.

When Quintina shot a glance at him as she was about to unlock the door, she let out a quick “Hello” and all Alfred could let out was a burp.

Despite all his preparation in his mirror every evening all he let out was a burp….A Burp!?

Just because Alfred had failed, didn’t mean he was going to give up.

“Yonce’ would not give up at this point, would she?” he thought to himself.

Thanks to Alfred’s schedule being completely Starfruit free today and the fact that he just got fired from his job yesterday, he was able to turn things around.

More persistent than he had ever been before, Alfred walked right in the Crate and Barrel and chose a model bed to stand by.

In Quintina’s LinkedIn profile, he had red that she enjoyed the art of Auguste Rodin so what better position was there to sit in then “the thinker”?

So Alfred went ahead and posed as the thinker on this model Crate and Barrel bed hoping that she would notice him.

Unfortunately, through out the whole day, she would walk by and simply giggle, give him a confused look and eventually began to ignore him.

Never in his life had Alfred stayed in one position for so long and his persistence did not even allow him to go to the bathroom.

Eventually it became a problem and he peed his own pants.

Great laughter was heard through out the store whenever a customer walked by him along with some looks of disgust and Zeek (the store manager) had asked him to leave multiple times through out the day but he would not budge despite his embarrassment because he was determined to impress Quintina.

Calls were made to the Kentucky police department after Zeek had enough and Quintina was one of the employees that had encouraged Zeek to make the call.

Kentucky police officers came running in to Crate and Barrel to take Alfred away and Quintina walked up to the bed with a mop while looking Alfred in the eyes.

Persistence finally got Alfred more than what he always wanted (for Quintina to say a word to him) and those words were “Thanks a lot jackass, now I have to clean up your puddle.”