Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Review on Dreams



Dreams
Dreams kind of scare the shiznit out of me.
They also make me feel super cool sometimes.
I think dreams kind of prove you can come up with some pretty physcadellic stuff. Like if you think about it, all dreams come from your noggin. The fact that you can produce all those thoughts, wether it be a blunder of your previous day, a scary occurrence, or a hilarious time that you literally wake up laughinf, dreams are a pretty crazy concept. However, they also scare me. I wake up at LEAST 50% of the time thinking my dream was completely real. I’ll wake up and either be all, “OH CRAP!” or even worse, ”FINALLY!!!” only to find out “it was only just a dreeeeaaaaammmmm” (Nelly voice) However, dreams are also kind of a motivational concept. (refer to my previous  review on inspirational quotes LOL if that didn’t fit, use your dreams as inspiration…ROCK ON!) Anyway, dreams can be motivation to make your dream A REALITY *insert flashing lights* So, next time you have a dream, really pay attention to it. It’s crazy to think about what they can actually become in reality. 

I think it's time for Nelly to go have a dream. 

Avocado Review


Avocados
Fruit or vegetable?
You may know the answer but how do you just put them into a category? They should just be in the category of amazing. Avocados are my everything. Honestly, put them in your salad, on your burger, maybe try and slice one up and make some guacamole. Whatever you feel is right, avocados are never wrong. They’re green, and kinda creepy looking on the outside. However, where would we be in life if we didn’t judge a (fruit. vegetable..?) or anything by what’s on the inside. So here’s my proposal, pick up that avocado next time you see it. Spend that extra 1.50 at Chipotle and add it to your bowl and or burrito. It will open your eyes to an all-new and soft yet subtly flavorful new experience. It doesn’t add too much, but at the same time it adds everything. Pick up the avocado at your local grocery store today. 



Found Poem


The hearts of millions
Sick of seeing the legacy extinguish
“Differences does not equal creativity”
But those who conquer, will brighten someone’s day
Those who improve others will assist the dream
The dream to be equal
The dream to create
The dream to be cherished
The dream to love and be loved
All by simply completing the dream
The dream to be
You. 

ABC Poem


Alfred the accountant is doing the “thinker” with one foot on a bed at Crate and Barrel as customers walk by.

Zeek, the manager who has had enough has finally called the police due to the fact that Alfred has been in this position on this bed for almost 9 hours now.

How did we get here?

Let’s go back to the beginning.

Back at 9:00am when Crate and Barrel opened, Alfred encountered a woman named Quintina (Most people called her Tina but that’s not what it said on her name tag.).

Quintina happened to be an employee at Crate and Barrel and as soon as she walked up to unlock the doors, Alfred couldn’t take his eyes off her.

Our dear protagonist, Alfred had been waiting for this moment for weeks.

For he had not been able to make it to Crate and Barrel’s opening hour before today for he had been selling Star fruit a the local farmer’s market every morning.

Visions of sugarplums and Quintina dancing with him on the dance floors would dance through his mind for days since the day he first saw her.

X-rays would show his large beating heart speed up if she was to stop by the imaging room (of course she would have to be wearing a led jacket to be safe).

Ready to finally say a word to Quintina as soon as she walked up to unlock the doors, Alfred was finally going to face his biggest fear and chase his wildest dream.

When Quintina shot a glance at him as she was about to unlock the door, she let out a quick “Hello” and all Alfred could let out was a burp.

Despite all his preparation in his mirror every evening all he let out was a burp….A Burp!?

Just because Alfred had failed, didn’t mean he was going to give up.

“Yonce’ would not give up at this point, would she?” he thought to himself.

Thanks to Alfred’s schedule being completely Starfruit free today and the fact that he just got fired from his job yesterday, he was able to turn things around.

More persistent than he had ever been before, Alfred walked right in the Crate and Barrel and chose a model bed to stand by.

In Quintina’s LinkedIn profile, he had red that she enjoyed the art of Auguste Rodin so what better position was there to sit in then “the thinker”?

So Alfred went ahead and posed as the thinker on this model Crate and Barrel bed hoping that she would notice him.

Unfortunately, through out the whole day, she would walk by and simply giggle, give him a confused look and eventually began to ignore him.

Never in his life had Alfred stayed in one position for so long and his persistence did not even allow him to go to the bathroom.

Eventually it became a problem and he peed his own pants.

Great laughter was heard through out the store whenever a customer walked by him along with some looks of disgust and Zeek (the store manager) had asked him to leave multiple times through out the day but he would not budge despite his embarrassment because he was determined to impress Quintina.

Calls were made to the Kentucky police department after Zeek had enough and Quintina was one of the employees that had encouraged Zeek to make the call.

Kentucky police officers came running in to Crate and Barrel to take Alfred away and Quintina walked up to the bed with a mop while looking Alfred in the eyes.

Persistence finally got Alfred more than what he always wanted (for Quintina to say a word to him) and those words were “Thanks a lot jackass, now I have to clean up your puddle.”


Time Travel: Episode Two


3 YEARS LATER

Denise walks in the employee entrance of Long John Silver’s and continues through the kitchen.

DENISE: “Irene.”

IRENE: “Denise”

Irene (Long John Silver’s worker) and Denise nod at each other and immediately turn their heads over to Elsa (other Long John Silver’s worker) who has been crying for the last thirty minutes after spilling ketchup on her new white shoes.

IRENE: “She’s been crying for the last thirty minutes.”

DENISE: “Jesus…really? Because of the ketchup?”

Denise looks down at the giant blotch of ketchup on Elsa’s new white Reeboks and shakes her head.

DENISE: “Ouch. That’s pretty bad…”

IRENE: “Oh yeah….tell me about it. I don’t know if we can let this fly much longer Denise. I’ve told her to leave three times already but she won’t budge. Javier and Masimo haven’t finished one batch of onion rings for the last thirty minutes because they don’t wanna dip them in the fry batter…”

Irene points at the fry batter sign above Elsa’s head as she is rolled up in a ball crying on the ground in front of it.

DENISE: “There’s no way to get it out huh?”

IRENE: “We tried just about everything…the ketchup’s not coming out anytime soon……….listen Denise….”

Irene puts her hand on Denise’s shoulder and whispers and her ear.

IRENE: “I was thinking we could maybe use some of your ……services…”

Irene slyly slips a $50 bill in Denise’s hand similar to a drug deal.

DENISE: “Just this last time Irene…. Just because I use the back for my office doesn’t mean I can keep giving you my services for half price.”

Denise walks up to Elsa and holds out her hand. Elsa slowly stops her crying and looks up to Denise. She extends her hand back to Denise as Denise yanks her up. Elsa tries to resist as Denise pulls her to her back office and Elsa begins to cry again.

DENISE: “Ugh. Oh my god Elsa…. LET IT GO.”  

Denise drags Elsa in to her back office and shuts the door behind them. She points to a couch.

DENISE: “Take a seat right here.”

Denise walks away into a small section of the room through dark red curtains. Elsa sits down. Telletubbies is playing on the Television. Elsa is startled as small shovel flies past her at the television almost hitting her in the head on the way.

Penelope who is sitting in a small sandbox behind her, screams…

PENELOPE: “Every time they slurp the custard, I cringe. Honestly, I cringe…. how is this an appropriate show for a kid my age?! Why? MOM CAN YOU PLEASE TURN THE CHANNEL?!”

Elsa turns around on the couch to look back at Penelope.

PENELOPE: “What are you lookin at Blondie?”

ELSA: “I….I just…”

PENELOPE: “Mom! What’s the cashier lady doing here?!”

Denise walks back out through the red curtains and to the Penelope in the sandbox. She kneels down and runs her fingers through Penelope’s hair. Elsa turns back around and looks at the television. Denise speaks quietly to Penelope.

DENISE: “Don’t worry honey…this will be the last time we help them…We’ll have our own place soon enough….This is the last time…”

PENELOPE: “Okay momma. Fine. One last time…you promise?”

DENISE: “I promise.”

Denise stands up and walks over to Elsa. She looks down at Elsa who seems to be trying to wash off the ketchup from her shoes with her own spit.

DENISE: “Elsa. Leave the shoes alone. Let it go.”

Elsa looks up at Denise and puts her hands in her lap.

ELSA: “I’m sorry ….it’s just…”

Elsa is on the verge of tears once again. Penelope stands next to Denise while eating a Baby Bottle Pop.

PENELOPE:
“SUCK IT UP BLONDIE. I know this is a big deal to you but we’re going to fix it, okay?”

ELSA: “How are you going to fix it? We tried everything. The ketchup’s not coming out and since when is this place back here? I’ve worked here for 4 months and I’ve never seen this room. What’s that all about?”

Elsa once again begins to cry. Penelope walks closer to Elsa and pours the rest of her Baby Bottle Pop sugar on Elsa’s shoes. Elsa is now in shock.

ELSA: “What did you just do that for?! WHY!? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME!?”

DENISE: “Penelope can dirty your shoes as much as she wants Elsa….but she is about to fix it all for you. By the time she’s done, your shoes will be bright white again like none of this ever happened. You need to trust her.”

Penelope folds her arms and gives Elsa a sassy “Told ya so” type of look.

ELSA: “You’re telling me…. this 3 year old shovel throwing toddler is going to make my shoes go back to normal…? Are you kidding me right now?”

Elsa puts her head in her hands as she loses hope and shakes her head.

Penelope looks at Denise as Denise gives her the nod of approval. Penelope nods back and extends her pinky to Elsa.

PENELOPE: “Here hold my pinky.”

Elsa looks up.

PENELOPE: “You heard me Blondie. I said hold my pinky so you hold my pinky. Got it?”

Elsa lets out a huge sigh and looks over at Denise. Denise nods and motions her to go ahead.  Elsa holds on to Penelope’s Pinky.

ELSA: “I really don’t understand why we’re….”

All of the sudden, they all go back in time to an hour ago.

ONE HOUR AGO

Penelope, Elsa and Denise are all standing by the fry batter station looking at Elsa from an hour ago who is watching Javier impatiently as he fries a batch of onion rings.

ELSA FROM AN HOUR AGO: “Are you almost done there Javier?”

JAVIER: “Oh yeah just gimme a few seconds and they should be just about ready.”

Elsa, Denise and Penelope watch Elsa from an hour ago and Javier uncomfortably interact as they wait for the onion rings to be ready.

Javier finally finishes with the frying batter and takes the onion rings to the next station. As soon as Javier is out of sight, Elsa from an hour ago immediately unwraps a McDonalds burger that had been hiding inside Long John Silver’s takeout box and looks around to make sure nobody sees her.

Denise looks at Elsa.

DENISE: “Really?”

ELSA: “I was getting tired of chicken…”

PENELOPE: “McDonalds burgers are made from Telletubbie custard, ya know?”

ELSA: “No it isn’t….”

PENELOPE: “What do you know?”

DENISE: “Stop it you two. Stay focused on the goal.”

Elsa from an hour ago reaches in a cabinet and takes out a bottle of ketchup and attempts to put it on her burger. She violently starts hitting the bottom of the bottle but the ketchup is not coming out. Finally a huge glob of ketchup flies out of the bottle and completely misses the burger.

Penelope immediately runs towards Elsa from an hour ago and leaps for her shoes. She lands on Elsa from an hour ago’s shoes and the ketchup lands on Penelope’s belly. Elsa from an hour ago looks down at Penelope confused. Penelope stands up, takes the ketchup bottle from Elsa from an hour ago and runs away out the back door dragging Elsa and Denise with her.

Out back by the dumpster, they catch their breath from the thrilling event they all just either witnessed or went through.  Elsa doesn’t know what to say as she leans against the dumpster.

PENELOPE: “First of all….you’re welcome.”

DENISE: “Alright Penelope, what did mommy say about bragging? Let’s just do what we need to do next.”

PENELOPE: “Sorry momma.”

Penelope extends her hand out to Elsa.

PENELOPE: “Alright Blondie. Time to hold my pinky again.”

ELSA: “Do I have to? What the hell just happened?”

Denise gives Elsa an evil glare and Elsa catches it and reaches for Penelope’s pinky.

Immediately they travel in time again.

PRESENT TIME

Penelope now sits in the sandbox building a sand castle while Denise is sitting back in a chair knitting a scarf.

PENELOPE: “Good thing we don’t have to deal with that girl anymore, huh?”

DENISE: “Tell me about it.”

PENELOPE: “Promise that was the last time we do favors momma?”

DENISE: “Yes Penelope. I promised, didn’t I?”

PENELOPE: “I know….just making sure.”

Penelope and Denise hear screaming from the door of the office and hear a frantic knocking.

They look at each other.

TO BE CONTINUED….

Monday, March 24, 2014

Review on Inspirational Quotes


inspirational quotes

Some people see inspirational quotes as phony and/or tacky,. HOWEVER, I see inspirational quotes as a spunky way to get you through a rough time. Now I know you see the occasional "inspirational quote" on instagram and you're like....come on now, how cheesy is that. But, have you ever really read one in it's entirety and just thought, "ya know what? That just kind of gave me a jump start on my day." Not all inspirational quotes have to be cheesy or gooey. Instead, some inspirational quotes are just plain funny. Those are the ones that are the best. Honestly, next time your having a real bad day, read a funny quote by Tina Fey, she'll get you through, I guarantee it. My Econ teacher once told us (this was like last week) "Ya know what, who of you suckers live your life by those tacky quotes you see on a wall?" (I proudly raised my hand might I add) He continued on to say, "Well you guys aren't getting anywhere. Those are all just shit to make you feel worth it." or something along those lines. He tends to swear at us a lot. Anyway, I highly disagree with him. If you base your life off a inspirational quote, well then rock on for you! Whatever it takes to pick you up, whether it be chocolate, good music, or a funny Tina Fey quote, who cares, as long as you're happy. So you go and you Google some quotes! Whoo hoo!


Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Anchorman 2 Review

I can’t lie, I may be biased for my obsession with the original Anchorman, but I thought Anchorman 2 was even better. It starts out with the same news team trying to get the gang back together, to star on a 24 hour news channel. The team consists of Will Ferrell (Ron Burgandy), Steve Carell (Brick), Paul Rudd (Brian Fantana), and David Koechner (Champ Kind). The movie starts out so solid, cracking jokes about Paul Rudd’s character becoming a cat photographer, David Koechner’s selling bat wings and telling people it’s chicken, and Brick attending his own funeral…thinking he’s dead. I think what makes the movie so solid is the fact that it makes ABSOLUTELY no sense at all. It is just a mash up of jokes and random celebrity appearances (including the wonderful Kristen Wiig).
SORRY IF I’M SPOLING IT
Anyway, they proceed to have ‘beef’ with another news team, until Ron quits, moves to a lighthouse, and takes in a shark named Doby. This scene consists of a full children’s choir singing a song about Doby’s future life, and how he will miss him forever. Oh yeah, Ron also becomes blind for a couple months, then, gets a very simple surgery that proves he no longer is. The movie has a lot of controversy due to the racial jokes, however the cast and director are both completely not racist, they were just trying to portray that time period in a joking manner. After all, comedies always take risks. The movie is full of countless jokes such as Brick thinking he has no legs because he was in front of a green screen, the bus tipping over in slow motion, and the appearance of many beloved stars, including some of my favorite, Amy Pohler and Tina Fey. Oh, and Kanye West shows up too.
I got the privilege to see an early screening of the movie along with meeting the director, Adam McKay. He was an amazing man, because he was so normal and chill. He told us about how, the only way he makes up his jokes is, “being at a table with a bunch of idiots and doing what we can.” He also said, “we tried to get a dragon breathing fire, but I couldn’t afford it, so I made John C. Reilly as the ghost of Stonewall Jackson. That ended up being fine for me.” Meeting him made me realize how normal he was, and how he just wants to do something to make the rest of the world laugh.
Anyway, if you haven’t seen Anchorman Two, or Anchorman for that matter, I HIGHLY recommend it. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Elczv0ghqw0